Author Topic: Big public thanks  (Read 1797 times)

April 13, 2016, 08:16:52 AM
Just want to say a BIG public thank you to you guys, especially the mods on here. I've been away far longer than I should have been. And way more than I coul ever have expected.You guys have kept this site running, while all I've been able to do is pay the hosting, and keep the software running.

Had a lot to deal with over the last 6 months or so, including what is now becoming a very messy and bitter divorce/separation. One or two people on here know the full extent of what has been going off, but it is mainly a private matter, which I have the odd facebook rant about every now and again. Moving out, loosing everything, having to buy everything from clothing to a car, and seeing your ex selling all that you owned, ain't exactly easy. But to be honest, having her refuse to give me things, or seeing her selling stuff, just shows her for who she really is. So I will be on the market for a new camera soon, seen as she's also now keeping my camera, that I lent to our daughter, for her GCSE's. Rather than fight to get stuff back, I'm just leaving her to do what ever she wants. I'm past caring about the possessions, and just trying to make a clean start. So my camera gear currently consists of a 70-200mm lens, some older manual lenses, and my camera phone lol Thankfully I managed to get my PC out, so at least have the editing side complete.

Anyway, enough of my boring life lol.
http://i1283.photobucket.com/albums/a554/chrishoggy/vado-diomande-quote-i-want-to-say-thank-you-to-everybody_zps9de64afe.jpg
Big public thanks

April 13, 2016, 08:33:39 AM
Reply #1
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I'm sorry to hear that Chris. I've never understood how some women (and it is usually women) get so vindictive during a divorce. I hope everything works out in the end.

Anyway, thanks for this site and for popping in. The mods have been doing a good job in your absence and we are a well behaved lot.
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April 13, 2016, 08:36:29 AM
Reply #2
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I agree 100% with Dipper.  Good to see you back too.

April 13, 2016, 08:38:21 AM
Reply #3
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Glad to see you back Chris.  :)
A 'Veteran' -- whether active duty, discharged, retired, or reserve -- is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to his country for an amount of 'up to, and including his life.'

April 13, 2016, 09:03:38 AM
Reply #4
It's been a tough ride, and it is by no means over. But I'm slowly starting to get some free time to myself. Every time I thought I was getting things sorted, another spanner would get thrown in the works. But such is life, and I'm working through it. Managed to go out other weekend, with a few m8's. Though as you can imagine, that just lead to accusations and the ex thinking I had far too much money, and that she deserved more lol. Though 1 night in 5 months, ain't exactly a "players" lifestyle lol. Bob has been keeping me up to speed with any site issues, and I usually jump on them straight away. I know there have been a few speed issues of late, which have been down to works close to the data centre, where the site is hosted (in Scotland). Fingers crossed these should have stopped now, or will be very shortly ;-)

April 13, 2016, 09:04:26 AM
Reply #5
`
Welcome back Chris. I went through the same experience 40 years ago and went on to build things up again...............so will you.

ps 2nd time round is much better !

April 13, 2016, 09:07:23 AM
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My Son is going through a similar thing with his partner, but she is not doing anything but playing mind games and it cuts me up to just see the state my son is in, and i worrying about my little 3 year old grand son she is the one moving out but wont talk to my son as to the reason why, she says she still loves him, but she wont talk
so i can kind of understand what you are going through Chris.
I am so sorry 
always look on the other side
you never know what you are missing




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April 13, 2016, 09:38:58 AM
Reply #7
Oh I've had the mind games, as well as the guilt trips about paying my way etc etc. Best one being I was told I had to pay towards the contract phone she got our daughter for Xmas. We both bought our kids separately, and I said she was stupid to get another contract phone at £46 per month. Now she can't afford to pay for it, she's expecting me to. Well that's just not how these things work in real life. I pay my way, and have done since long before I moved out. I leave myself with enough to live on, and to cover my own expenses etc. She's getting more per week on benefits and maintenance, than I get for a full working week. No benefits pay my rent and council tax. Nobody pays for things I need/want. I am much happier now I've just taken the attitude of cutting my losses, and starting completely from scratch. Wish I had done that from the get go, instead of stressing about what I'd lost/left behind. And what things she was selling of mine. Every time she lays claim to something (like the camera the other day), I just reply with "you keep it, if it makes you feel better". I then just add it to my list of things I need to buy, when I have the money :)) :))

And on that note, I'm off to walk up in to town, and get some wet n dry, to finish my bumper repairs off. Stupid pheasant thought it could win a fight with the front of my car, at 70 mph . Broke bottom of bumper off, and broke the front grill in two. Thank got I am able to do the job myself, as it would have been either an insurance job, or about £300 in the garage.

April 13, 2016, 09:48:08 AM
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Glad you are getting your life sorted out Chris and back to some kind of normality. The moderators have been brill in your absence and kept us up to speed with any glitches on the site. Sorry to hear the problem originated up here but we have been having computer problems as well with all the new cables going in. Sorry you haven't got a camera at present but you never know somebody may be kind enough to let you have one they don't use any more to tide you over until you can eventually get one that you want.  :-[
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April 13, 2016, 10:12:41 AM
Reply #9
I went through something very similar 9 years ago. Yep, they can be very vindictive and tell the world they are the victim when they are in fact the instigator of everything. They tend to use kids against you and try to brainwash them into thinking you are the cause of it all and that you are evil. My daughter only found out about why me and her mum split when i told her the truth a few months ago. Her mum had been telling her lies for years.

When i moved out 9 years ago, i left with my clothes, my car and my PC, that was it after 20 years. Everything else i had worked hard for was gone. Now i'm surrounded by too much crap and have no room to store everything  :)) :)) :))

You will eventually not give a crap about everything that has happened. Just put as much time as you can into your kids and try and ignore the satanic woman who is giving you such a hard time.

On top of all that, karma is the biggest bitch in the world and she will come visit her one day. My ex wife got her karma dose a few weeks ago when she found out that the bloke she was living with had cheated on her and they split up. She was livid and wanted to kill him, burn his car etc. Ironic really as he was the bloke she cheated on me with.

Trust me Chris, they get what's coming to them eventually.

Just keep your chin up mate and whatever you do, don't let her push your buttons. She knows how to and knows what reaction she will get and then will use it against you. Piss her off by ignoring her.

Then after it all calms down just stay single forever cos it's easier.  :)) :)) :))

April 13, 2016, 10:14:43 AM
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Glad you are sorting your life out now and things can only get better for you. They will  :)

April 13, 2016, 10:52:34 AM
Reply #11
Tell ya what Si, we must be brothers from another mother. I came out with computer, clothes and car after 20 years.  We shared the car, as I work just round the corner from her house. I got sick of having to wait anything up to 8 hours every day, just to be able to get home from work. I was averaging 10 hours at work, and 4 hours just sat in her  house waiting to go home. After a bad day at work, and then an 8.5 hour wait to drive home, I snapped. Few days later I had my own car, and handed the one she claimed was all hers, back. She can't afford to run it, and has been trying to sell it ever since. She wanted me to buy it at £600, they buy her out of it at £300. But she is now finding it's true value that I told her, as she can't even get a buyer at £275. She cab keep my camera gear, as all it does is prove she has used my daughter borrowing it, to get her hands on it. As for the cheating bit, well I can't 100% say for sure, but I wouldn't be in the slightest bit shocked, having seen and heard things that went on days after I moved out. Quite sad really, especially getting kids to stick the knife in. But as they grow up, they will see things for what they are. Just need to weather the storm for now

April 13, 2016, 10:53:06 AM
Reply #12
Tell ya what Si, we must be brothers from another mother. I came out with computer, clothes and car after 20 years.  We shared the car, as I work just round the corner from her house. I got sick of having to wait anything up to 8 hours every day, just to be able to get home from work. I was averaging 10 hours at work, and 4 hours just sat in her  house waiting to go home. After a bad day at work, and then an 8.5 hour wait to drive home, I snapped. Few days later I had my own car, and handed the one she claimed was all hers, back. She can't afford to run it, and has been trying to sell it ever since. She wanted me to buy it at £600, they buy her out of it at £300. But she is now finding it's true value that I told her, as she can't even get a buyer at £275. She cab keep my camera gear, as all it does is prove she has used my daughter borrowing it, to get her hands on it. As for the cheating bit, well I can't 100% say for sure, but I wouldn't be in the slightest bit shocked, having seen and heard things that went on days after I moved out. Quite sad really, especially getting kids to stick the knife in. But as they grow up, they will see things for what they are. Just need to weather the storm for now

April 13, 2016, 11:24:05 AM
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Think we must be a band of brothers.   21 years ago I walked away with computer, car and clothes too.   Since then - haven't been happier.
A 'Veteran' -- whether active duty, discharged, retired, or reserve -- is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to his country for an amount of 'up to, and including his life.'

April 13, 2016, 11:41:10 AM
Reply #14
Well, it must be a magic number, if 20's is the way to go lol. Not that long ago she was ranting and having a good laugh at my expense, with her sisters. Saying how I was going to be skint etc. And that I'd want to stay, now I knew she could manage without me. Well it seems exactly the opposite, is what turned out to be the truth. Yeah I was initially skinted, having to buy everything I needed, and pay fees/rent in advance etc. But within a few months, I'd got most of the stuff, and to be honest, I don't need a great deal. I can now buy little extras as and when I need, and life couldn't be much easier really. No arguments, no sitting around for hours waiting to go home, and nobody to tell me things need to be done differently to how I want to do them :)) :)) :))

April 13, 2016, 11:43:29 AM
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Best of luck for the future, Chris.
Has somebody been digging up the cables again this morning - the site went off for a while and is just back on? Although I live in Scotland, I haven't been digging anything up - promise!

April 13, 2016, 11:48:17 AM
Reply #16
That issue today was me m8. I've been optimising the databases etc, to try and help with speed. Will be doing similar work over the next few days. But given that my body clock doesn't know I have the rest of this week off, I will be doing most of it in the early hours of the morning  :))

April 13, 2016, 12:32:10 PM
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It makes me somewhat sad to read of some of our members marital horror stories. If it's any consolation, my late wife and I were married for 50 years until her death 4 years ago. We had both good and bad times but, so far as I know, we were never unfaithful and managed to work thru' our differences without using the kids as weapons. My wife was a very dominating woman whereas I was more laid back and tended to leave her to it. Not that it didn't hurt. We both used to drink, 'stress relief' we called it but it couldn't continue as every conversation was like walking through a minefield. Of course we had some lovely holidays, once the kids flew the coop and we retired, especially when I was able to take her abroad. Somewhere she'd never been. To quote Sinatra's song 'Regrets? I've had a few....' etc  ;)

April 13, 2016, 01:07:11 PM
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Hi Chris - sorry you're having to go through all this - but it sounds like you have the right attitude and will come out of it better than she will.  I've never been through anything like that so can't even try to empathise but I really hope it does work out for you.
I can loan you a Nikon D200 it if helps !

April 13, 2016, 01:08:09 PM
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I forgot to add - thanks for keeping the site going while having all these travails !